Let’s talk about one of the hardest questions we face in life and love: Should I stay or should I go?
If you’ve ever wrestled with this decision, you know how gut-wrenching it can be. It’s not just about choosing between two paths—it’s about listening to your inner voice, trusting your intuition, and having the courage to choose what’s best for you, even when it’s terrifying.
In this episode of the Create Your Happy Podcast, titled Commit or Quit in Love? Do NOT Make This Decision Until You Hear This, I dive into my own journey of facing this question—not once, but twice. Through two divorces, I learned some profound lessons about self-trust, authenticity, and the kind of love that feels like magic.
Spoiler alert: It’s not about staying or leaving. It’s about who you become in the process. Ready to explore this together? Let’s get into it.
The Stay-or-Go Dilemma: A Crossroads of the Heart
Facing the decision to stay or leave a relationship is a monumental moment. It challenges us to listen intently to our inner selves and to identify what truly resonates with our spirit. For me, this decision was about recognizing the misalignment in my relationships and daring to follow my heart, even when it meant walking away from something I didn’t want to leave but couldn’t continue to live with.
I spent years trying to make things work. I put on masks, performed, and efforted in ways I believed would earn me love, acceptance, and validation. But deep down, I knew something was off. I was exhausted, and I couldn’t see how I was blocking my own happiness by not trusting that I was enough—just as I was.
My second divorce taught me an invaluable lesson: self-trust. It was a journey of tuning into my intuition and answering the persistent whisper that promised more. More love, more joy, more alignment. And while it was terrifying to step into the unknown, it was also exhilarating. Because on the other side of fear? That’s where the magic happens.
The First Divorce: A Lesson in Authenticity
My first marriage ended in a way I never saw coming. After six years together and one year of marriage, my ex-husband told me that we were like Will and Grace. At first, I was confused. I knew we’d become more like roommates than lovers, but the comparison felt like a slap in the face. When I asked for clarity, he confirmed what I hadn’t wanted to see: he was gay.
I was hurt, confused, and disappointed—especially by the timing. Couldn’t he have mentioned this before the wedding? But as I picked myself up off the bathroom floor (literally), I realized something important: his truth had nothing to do with me. He’d been living in misalignment with himself, and he’d finally reached a point where he couldn’t hide it anymore.
In the end, I had to trust that everything would work out. There was nothing I could do to change his mind, and staying would only have prolonged the pain for both of us. This experience taught me that authenticity isn’t just about being true to yourself—it’s about allowing others to be true to themselves, even when it hurts.
The Wake-Up Call That Changed Everything
Fast forward to my second marriage, and I found myself in a similar pattern of misalignment. This time, though, I was the one struggling to live with the truth. I stayed long past the point where it was clear things weren’t working, held back by fear—fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of what people would think.
It took a bold (and slightly brutal) wake-up call from a friend to snap me out of it. One day, while venting about all the things wrong in my life, she said, Well, you’re not going to leave. You’re never going to leave him. So what’s it matter?
Oof.
That lit a fire under my ass. While I didn’t love hearing it in the moment, it was exactly what I needed. It forced me to confront the misalignment I’d been feeling for years and to take action.
When kids are in the picture, the stakes feel even higher. I stayed for a long time, believing I was protecting them. But the truth? By staying, I was teaching them lessons about relationships I never wanted them to learn. I didn’t want them to think it was normal to sacrifice their happiness for the sake of others or to stick it out in a relationship that wasn’t working.
I realized that if I wanted to impact the quality of their future relationships, I had to model something healthy and loving. And that meant making the hard choice to leave.
It’s Time to Trust Yourself
Here’s the thing: There are no missteps when you make choices from a place of authenticity and love. Every decision—even the painful ones—brings you closer to the life you’re meant to lead.
I’ve come to understand that in the realm of self-discovery, every single choice is a step forward. Every decision, even those that lead to pain, can be a catalyst for growth and a deeper understanding of yourself. This means we can always alchemize the shit and turn our mess into our message. We can use our struggles in a way that helps others, and as we make choices and step forward, we continue to learn, grow, and take more wisdom with us into the next steps.
This process makes it easier and easier to discern whether we’re acting from a place of love and expansion or from a place of fear and limitation. And when we choose love, we open ourselves up to new possibilities that seem to appear as if out of thin air.
My journey through my second divorce was about learning to trust my inner voice. It was about navigating grief and loss while holding space for the uncertainty of what came next. And in the end, I learned that self-trust is the foundation of everything.
Love That Feels Like Magic
By knowing myself and living my truth, I found a relationship that’s both aligned with my values and deeply fulfilling. It’s a partnership based on mutual acceptance, respect, and love—a beautiful reflection of what happens when you align first with your authentic self.
That list of ideal relationship desires I created? It came in handy. It helped me communicate not just what I wanted, but what I needed from a partnership. And it allowed me to recognize alignment when I found it.
Here’s the truth: I wasn’t looking for love when I met my current partner. I was whole on my own. I didn’t need anyone to complete me or fix me. And it was that level of non-attachment, self-love, and acceptance that opened the door for the most beautiful experience of love I’ve ever known.
What’s Your Heart Telling You?
What’s your heart whispering to you? Are you staying in a relationship out of fear, or are you ready to step into the unknown and trust that something better is waiting for you?
Don’t forget to subscribe to Create Your Happy on your favourite podcast player, and grab your copy of my book Love, Unstuck which is packed with the tools and strategies you need to transform your relationships from the inside out.
And if you’re ready to dive deeper into your own journey of self-discovery, check out Run for Your Life: Lessons Learned from Going the Distance and The Unstuck for Women Daily Self-Discovery Journal. Both are packed with tools and inspiration to guide you every step of the way.
Remember, the journey of self-discovery is the path to unleashing your true self and creating a life—and love—that makes you truly fucking happy.
I love you! Now let’s go do some epic shit, shall we?
Christy xo
Tune into the full episode here:
Additional Resources
Run For Your Life: Lessons Learned From Going the Distance: For those inspired to take their first steps towards self discovery and love, check out “Run For Your Life: Lessons Learned From Going the Distance,” and read my full story, Chasing Shadows, Finding Love. Pre-order available for ebook now, paperback available March 15. This collection of stories is a source of inspiration for anyone on the path to finding themselves and their place in the world. For more information click here.
Drawing on the transformative journey shared in Episode 13, the “Unstuck for Women Daily Self Discovery Journal” emerges as a vital companion for those navigating their paths to self-love and personal fulfillment. Just as the episode unfolds a narrative of running towards self-discovery and finding love in unexpected places, this journal offers daily prompts and reflections designed to guide you through your own metamorphosis. It’s a tool that encourages you to explore your inner landscape, embrace vulnerability, and cultivate a deeper connection with yourself—mirroring the essence of the podcast episode and enriching your journey towards becoming unstuck and wholly you. Order here.
Love Reimagined Course: Lean into creating your version of relationship that transcends the ordinary with ‘Love Reimagined.’ Discover how you can write a new chapter in your personal love story. Register for this transformative program here.
Authenticity Unleashed Program: A comprehensive guide to building unshakable self-trust and forging deep, genuine connections. This program is your roadmap to embracing vulnerability and creating a life you love. Register now and discover how YOU hold the keys to creating a life and relationships you truly love!
Additional resources and offerings
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Listen/ Watch
S3E14 | Commit or Quit in Love? Do NOT Make This Decision Until You Hear This
