People pleasers, you know the drill. You say yes when you want to say no. You bend over backward to make everyone else happy, often at the expense of your own well-being. You do everything you can to keep the peace, fit in, and avoid conflict—but you’re left feeling burnt out, resentful, and lonely. Sound familiar?
It’s time to break free. People pleasing isn’t just about being nice; it’s about seeking external validation and acceptance. And let me tell you, this is a trap. It’s a never-ending cycle that leaves you drained and unfulfilled. In this post, we’ll explore why people pleasing holds you back, how to start prioritizing yourself, and the steps to living authentically. If you’d like to dive deeper, check out the full podcast episode, Stop Being a PEOPLE PLEASER, Start Being Authentically You (Here’s How).
The People-Pleasing Trap
People pleasing often stems from childhood experiences and societal conditioning. Many of us were raised to be the good girl or good boy, which can lead to a lifetime of putting others’ needs ahead of our own. This behaviour is often rooted in trauma, where people pleasing became a survival tool—a way to gain approval, avoid punishment, or experience a sense of belonging.
The problem? It doesn’t work. Sure, it might have helped you avoid conflict or gain temporary approval in the past, but if it were truly effective, you wouldn’t feel so crippled by disappointment and resentment. I’ve been there. I used to be the queen of people pleasing, wearing masks and performing to make others happy. But all it did was leave me feeling unseen, unheard, and unfulfilled.
The Cost of People Pleasing
When you’re not authentically yourself, you block the very love, acceptance, and belonging you crave. You suppress your needs, avoid difficult conversations, and tolerate behaviour that crosses your boundaries—all in the name of keeping the peace. But here’s the truth: you can’t please everyone, and that’s okay.
Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s not your job. Your job is to love and accept yourself first. When you do, you’ll attract the right people into your life—people who appreciate you for who you truly are.
How to Break Free from People Pleasing
Breaking free from people pleasing starts with radical responsibility and self-compassion. Here’s how to begin:
- Pause Before Saying Yes: Every time you’re about to say yes to something, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself, Is this what I really want to do? Listen to your gut and respond with intention, not habit.
- Set Boundaries: Boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out; they’re invitations to join your inner circle. If someone can’t respect your boundaries, they don’t deserve a seat at your table.
- Practice Self-Compassion: People pleasing often comes with a side of guilt. When you say no or disappoint someone, remind yourself that it’s not your job to keep everyone else happy. Their happiness is their responsibility, just as yours is yours.
Start Choosing Yourself
Here’s your challenge for the week:
Every time you’re about to say yes to something, pause. Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself, Is this what I really want to do? If the answer is no, practice saying it—kindly but firmly. No over-explaining required.
If guilt rears its ugly head (and it likely will), remind yourself that it’s not your job to manage other people’s emotions. Disappointment is a part of life, and everyone—including you—deserves the freedom to choose what’s best for themselves.
The Power of Authenticity
When you start living authentically, you’ll notice a profound shift in your relationships. You’ll attract people who love and accept you for who you are, not who you think they want you to be. As I’ve learned in my own journey, the more authentically I live, the more I attract the right people into my life.
This doesn’t mean everyone will like you—and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to be universally loved; it’s to be deeply loved by those who truly get you.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
What resonated with you in this post? Have you struggled with people pleasing, and what’s one small step you can take to start choosing yourself? I’d love to hear your thoughts—drop a comment below and let’s keep the conversation going. If you found this post valuable, subscribe for more insights on self-love, boundaries, and creating relationships that truly thrive.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. It all starts with filling up your own cup first.
I love you! Now let’s go do some epic shit, shall we?
Christy xo
PS. Don’t forget to subscribe to Create Your Happy on your favourite podcast player, and grab my book Love, Unstuck for more empowering tools and insights.
Tune into the full episode here:
Additional Resources for Relationship Building
To help you on this specific journey, I’ve created two powerful resources:
People Pleasers Path to Freedom: This free ebook and masterclass are designed to show you how to break free from people pleasing patterns, prioritize your needs, and embrace self love.
Authenticity Unleashed Program: A comprehensive guide to building unshakable self-trust and forging deep, genuine connections. This program is your roadmap to embracing vulnerability and creating a life you love.
Find your f*cking ZEN in under 5 minutes! 🧘♀️ Check out these FREE unique, no-BS meditations that are as fun as they are effective. Tap into your inner calm today!
Ebook “Relationship Cheat Codes: A Guide to Nurturing Love and Connection”: Discover how to level up your relationships with these 10 secret codes. Get your ebook for free here.
Unstuck for Women Daily Self Discovery Journal: This journal is your roadmap to self acceptance, a crucial step in finding a relationship that truly honours you. Get yours now!
Additional resources and offerings
More Great Content
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The Power of Being You: Uncovering Self Love, Vulnerability, and Authentic Living
How to Break Free from People Pleasing as an Entrepreneur
Break Free from People Pleasing: Embrace Authenticity
Listen/ Watch
S3E7 | Stop Being a PEOPLE PLEASER, Start Being Authentically You (Here’s How)
