Have you ever felt like you’re your own worst critic? Like if self-flagellation were an Olympic sport, your inner bitch would have gold medals for days? Or maybe you’re carrying resentment and anger toward others who’ve wronged you. Maybe it’s both.
Today, we’re exploring a topic that’s as juicy as a gossip magazine but way more nourishing for your soul: forgiveness. And this dish is best served with a healthy helping of self-compassion—something that’s life-changing but often overlooked.
What IS Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door to inner peace and freedom. But let’s be clear: it’s not about condoning hurtful actions or forgetting the pain you’ve endured. Anyone—or anything—that’s led you to believe you must forgive others by letting them off the hook has missed the true purpose and power of forgiveness.
So, let’s set the record straight. Forgiveness is not:
- Forgetting what happened to you.
- Tolerating or allowing poor behaviour.
- Letting someone else off the hook for what they’ve done.
If you’re holding onto something painful right now, I want to lovingly remind you: You did not deserve those painful things you’ve been through. And even more importantly, you sure as hell don’t deserve to keep dragging that shit with you. Not for one more minute. What you do deserve is freedom and peace. And the greatest news? You alone hold the key to having it.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It’s a release from the burden of anger and resentment that holds you back from experiencing true happiness. Our intended state of being is one of peace, love, joy, and happiness—and you deserve to live it.
Forgiveness Starts with Self-Compassion
Forgiveness, especially the self-serve kind, can feel about as comfortable as skinny-dipping in the Arctic. But here’s the real scoop: holding onto blame and resentment is like keeping a porcupine as a cuddle buddy. Prickly AF and absolutely not recommended.
The key takeaway? There is nothing outside of you that will save you from your guilt, shame, pain, and suffering. You are the one. So, here and now, I invite you to let yourself be free.
Self-compassion is the soothing balm that nurtures our wounded hearts. It’s a gentle reminder that we’re human, deserving of the same kindness and understanding we so easily extend to others.
Let’s practice a quick self-compassion break. Take a quiet moment, place a hand over your heart, and say something kind to yourself, like: I’m doing my best, and that’s enough. Breathe that in and let it land. You deserve love.
The Oops, Let It Go Exercise
Now, let’s get practical. I call this the Oops, Let It Go exercise. It’s a self-forgiveness challenge that’s like a mini adventure for your whole ass human—minus the heavy baggage of past mistakes.
Here’s how it works:
- Grab a piece of paper or a journal.
- Think of a recent “oopsie” moment—something you’ve been beating yourself up about. Write it down.
- Next to it, write OOPS in big, bold letters. Why? Because you’re human, and humans are about as perfect as a two-legged chair.
- Jot down one tiny, doable thing you can do to move forward, learn from this oopsie, or make amends if necessary. Don’t overcomplicate it. It could be as simple as telling yourself, I’m human, I’m learning, or I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.
- Give yourself a mental high-five for being an awesome human.
- Now, do a happy dance. Yes, right now. Shake, shimmy, and dance like you’ve been crowned the queen of letting go. This dance is for you—it’s about releasing the energy you’re ready to stop carrying so you can make space for peace, love, joy, and happiness to flow more freely.
Why does this matter? Because beating ourselves up often replaces taking action. When we layer on guilt, we stay paralyzed in the muck. But by acknowledging our oopsies with a lighthearted oops, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect. It’s like telling your inner critic, Thanks, but I’ve got this.
Forgiving Others: Acceptance Is the First Step
When it comes to forgiving others, the task can feel just as challenging—or even more so. Sometimes, we’ve identified so heavily with our hurt that we’re unsure who we’d be without that story, that struggle, that pain.
If the idea of forgiving someone else feels like too much, start with forgiving yourself. Focus on loving yourself and saving yourself from the unnecessary suffering you’ve endured by carrying this pain.
The most crucial step in forgiving others is acceptance. To wish something hadn’t happened or to continue rehashing the past only does three things:
- Keeps you arguing with a reality you can’t change.
- Keeps you buried under the weight of ongoing suffering.
- Keeps you from finding the freedom, peace, love, and happiness you truly deserve.
You don’t have to let anyone off the hook for their past transgressions. But can we agree to leave the past in the past and do what it takes to find freedom from suffering? It happened. It sucked. You didn’t deserve it. And you can move forward—starting right now.
Self-Care: The Antidote to Self-Abandonment
Self-care is non-negotiable. In a world that demands we put everyone else first, declaring self-care as a priority can feel mind-blowing. We’ve been taught that self-care and self-love are selfish, and we’ve paid the price by people-pleasing to the point of self-abandonment.
But here’s the truth: Caring for yourself is the most powerful act of self-love. It’s the least selfish thing you can do. You cannot pour from an empty cup. When you don’t care for yourself well, you have less to give to others.
Self-love is the foundation for a life of fulfillment and happiness. It’s about embracing your wholeness—the light and the shadows—with an open heart and complete acceptance. This doesn’t mean resignation; it means acknowledging your reality without arguing against it or adding judgment. Instead, choose to grow from it.
Let’s Make Forgiveness a Practice
So, my dear listeners, I challenge you to try the Oops, Let It Go exercise. Write down your oopsies, dance like nobody’s watching, and take one small step forward. Share your experiences with me—the good, the bad, the ugly, and definitely the hilarious. Because if there’s one thing that makes forgiving yourself easier, it’s laughing through the process.
If you want to dive deeper into this topic, check out the full podcast episode: The Art of Hugging Your Inner Porcupine: Forgiveness & Self-Compassion. It’s packed with even more insights and practical tools to help you find freedom and peace.
Plus, don’t forget to subscribe to Create Your Happy on your favourite podcast player, and grab your copy of my book Love, Unstuck. It’s filled with tools and strategies to help you transform your relationships from the inside out.
Until the next messy, fucking beautiful adventure, keep hugging that inner porcupine—gently, of course.
I love you! Now let’s go do some epic, self-compassionate, self-forgiving, and absolutely fabulous shit, shall we?
Christy xo
Tune into the full episode here:
Additional Resources
Ebook “Relationship Cheat Codes: A Guide to Nurturing Love and Connection”: Hack your relationships with these up level codes to create fulfilling relationships. Get your ebook for free here.
Creating Love – A Sweary AF Meditation: Grab this free 5 minute quickie meditation designed to help you to cultivate love with a side of sass.
Unstuck for Women: Ready to get unstuck from patterns and habits that are preventing you from living your best life? Discover the power of The Spiral Stopper Method to stop overthinking and overcome your overwhelm. Grab your copy now!
Unstuck for Women Daily Self Discovery Journal: Dive into self discovery to build unshakeable confidence and self love that radiates into your relationships. Order your companion journal now.
Love Reimagined Course: Lean into creating your version of relationship that transcends the ordinary with ‘Love Reimagined.’ Discover how you can write a new chapter in your personal love story. Register for this transformative program here.
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Listen/ Watch
S3E15 | The Art of Hugging Your Inner Porcupine: Forgiveness & Self Compassion
