Do you avoid asking your partner for help, worrying that you’ll be seen as too needy or demanding? Have you ever felt guilty for needing support, even when you’re super overwhelmed? What if I told you that asking for help doesn’t make you weak, but actually strengthens your relationships?
Understanding Your Needs
Before you even ask for support, the first step is getting clarity on what you actually need. Take a moment to check in with yourself, asking:
- What do I need help with?
- When do I feel most overwhelmed?
Understanding your needs is key because you can’t communicate what you don’t know yourself.
Choosing the Right Moment
Once you’re clear on what you need, find the right moment to ask. Timing is crucial! Instead of dropping a request on your partner when they’re stressed or distracted, choose a time when both of you can be present and open to one another. A calm environment can make a world of difference.
Managing Expectations
How often do we set ourselves up for disappointment by expecting our partner to react in a certain way or do things exactly as we would? Expectations create unnecessary suffering because they’re often based on our preferences, not on what’s realistic or fair for our partner.
Let go of the attachment to how they should respond. If you’ve ever thought, “They should know I’m overwhelmed and need help,” remind yourself that people have different capacities and awareness levels. Instead of assuming, state what you need as clearly as possible.
Phrasing Your Request for Maximum Success
Rather than making demands or setting up unreasonable expectations, consider using phrases like:
- “I’d really like to…”
- “I’d really appreciate your help with…”
- “It would mean a lot to me if you could…”
- “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and I’d love your support with…”
These phrases are rooted in desire rather than demand. You’re expressing what you need and then trusting your partner to step up as they’re capable and willing.
Releasing Guilt
That nagging feeling of “Who am I to ask for this?” or feeling like a burden often comes from deep-seated beliefs that we’re supposed to handle everything on our own. But here’s the truth: that guilt is not helpful. It keeps you stuck and small, preventing you from getting the support you deserve.
To release guilt:
- Acknowledge your guilt without judgment.
- Get curious about its origins.
- Recognize that this guilt is likely based on outdated stories.
- Forgive yourself for believing you have to do it all alone.
- Embrace your worthiness of support.
Shifting Perspective: From Guilt to Gratitude
Instead of feeling bad or burdensome for needing help, feel grateful that you’re brave enough to ask for it and receive it. Gratitude will shift your focus from what you’re lacking to what you’re open to receiving and truly deserve.
Asking for Support is a Gift to Your Partner
Remember, asking for support isn’t just about you — it’s also a gift for your partner. Think about how good it feels when you’re able to help someone you love. When you ask for support, you’re giving your partner the opportunity to show up for you and feel that same sense of fulfillment. Win-win!
Let’s Put it in Practise
Take out your journal and spend a few minutes writing down what you need help with most right now. Get really clear on it. Even allow yourself to dive deeper and find out what unmet needs might be below the surface of your request.
Then, practice asking for support. Start small — maybe use one of the phrases shared earlier to ask your partner to take on a chore or simply listen to you. Notice how it feels to ask, and remind yourself that you are worthy of that support.
Remember, asking for support isn’t about being weak or needy. It’s about recognizing your humanity and inviting your partner to be part of your journey. Getting clear on what you need, communicating it openly, and letting go of guilt are all steps that will take you closer to a stronger, more connected relationship.
Tune into the full episode here:
Additional Resources
Unstuck for Women Daily Self-Discovery Journal: For those who desire to explore understanding their needs and how to communicate them more clearly, this journal is your perfect companion. This guided practice over 90 days is designed to help you connect more deeply with yourself, gain clarity around what you truly need and want, and build the confidence to ask for it in your relationships. Order your daily self-discovery journal today.
Creating Love – A Sweary AF Meditation: Need to get yourself in the right headspace to figure out what you need? Take a 5-minute meditation break to cultivate self-love and create space for clarity. Get your free quickie meditation now.
Additional resources and offerings
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Listen/ Watch
S3E26 | How to Ask for Support from Your Partner Without Feeling Guilty
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