The idea that you have to be perfect to be loved is a sneaky, insidious myth that many of us carry without even realizing it. Spoiler alert: perfection is an illusion, and chasing it is a waste of your precious human experience. In this post, we’ll explore why striving for perfection in relationships is not only exhausting but also counterproductive—and why your imperfections might actually be relationship gold.
If you’d like to dive deeper into this topic, check out the full podcast episode, The UGLY Truth of Chasing Perfection in Relationships.
The Myth of Perfection
We live in a society that glorifies perfection. Whether it’s the perfect body, the perfect job, or the perfect relationship, we’re bombarded with unrealistic standards. Social media amplifies this, feeding us curated images and stories that make us feel inadequate and push us to present a flawless version of ourselves to the world.
But here’s the truth: no one is perfect. Perfection is a mirage—a destination we’ll never reach because we’re constantly evolving and growing. Striving for it not only leads to anxiety, depression, and burnout… but also damages our relationships.
Why Perfectionism Sabotages Relationships
Perfectionism often stems from childhood trauma. Many of us received messaging—directly or indirectly—that our flaws made us unworthy of love. As a result, we learned to perform, wear masks, and contort ourselves to earn approval and avoid rejection.
But here’s the catch: true belonging only happens when we show up as our authentic, imperfect selves. As Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
When we strive for perfection, we abandon ourselves. We suppress our true thoughts and feelings, fearing that if others see our flaws, they’ll leave. This creates a cycle of fear, exhaustion, and resentment. We put in all this effort to be loved, yet deep down, we don’t believe we’re worthy of it.
The Power of Imperfection
Your imperfections are what make you human—and they’re also what make you relatable. When you’re vulnerable and open about your flaws, you create space for deeper connections. People don’t fall in love with a perfect facade; they fall in love with you—the real, messy, imperfect you.
I used to believe I had to be perfect to be loved. I wore masks, performed, and hid my flaws, thinking they made me unworthy. But when I finally dropped the act and embraced my authentic self, I found true love. It’s liberating to be loved for who you are, not who you think you should be.
Self-Compassion: The Antidote to Perfectionism
One of the most overlooked pieces of the puzzle is self-compassion. We’re taught to build self-esteem by proving ourselves to others, but this often leads to perfectionism and burnout. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is about treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend.
You don’t have to love yourself first to be worthy of love, but self-love makes it easier to receive it. When you accept your flaws and embrace your humanity, you open yourself up to deeper, more meaningful connections.
How to Embrace Your Imperfections
Here’s your challenge:
Identify one flaw you’ve been hiding. Look at it with love and self-compassion—you don’t have to like it, just recognize it as part of your humanity. If you’re feeling brave, share it with someone you trust. More often than not, you’ll find that your flaws aren’t as big a deal as you thought. In fact, they might even be relatable.
Notice how it feels to express your authentic self. Even if it’s just acknowledging your imperfections to yourself, you’re taking a powerful step toward self-acceptance and creating the healthy, happy relationships you crave.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
What resonated with you in this post? Have you struggled with perfectionism in your relationships? What’s one flaw you’re ready to embrace? I’d love to hear your thoughts—drop a comment below and let’s keep the conversation going.
Don’t forget to subscribe to Create Your Happy on your favourite podcast player, and grab a copy of my book Love, Unstuck for more empowering tools and insights.
Remember, you don’t have to be perfect to be loved. It’s your imperfections that make you uniquely you—and that’s where the magic happens.
I love you! Now let’s go do some epic shit, shall we?
Christy xo
PS. If you’re struggling with self acceptance, my course ‘Love Reimagined’ and my ‘Unstuck for Women Daily Self Discovery Journal’ can be your companions on this journey.
Tune into the full episode here:
Additional Resources for Relationship Building
Love Reimagined Mini Course: Transform yourself, transform your relationships. Get instant access here.
Unstuck for Women Daily Self Discovery Journal: Order here.
Ebook “Relationship Cheat Codes: A Guide to Nurturing Love and Connection”: Hack your relationships with these cheat codes to create fulfilling relationships. Get your ebook for free here.
Find your f*cking ZEN in under 5 minutes! 🧘♀️ Check out these free unique, no-BS meditations that are as fun as they are effective. Tap into your inner calm today!
Additional resources and offerings
More Great Content
Discover Authenticity: Your Path to Freedom Begins Here
Breaking Down Love’s Illusions: Beyond the Myth That Love Conquers All
Rethinking Relationships: Busting The Myth of 50/50 in Love
Deepen Your Relationship: 3 Essential Tips for a Stronger Bond with Your Partner
Love Reimagined: The Transformative Power of Deep Connections
Listen/ Watch
S3E8 | The UGLY Truth of Chasing Perfection in Relationships
