Let’s talk about a myth that’s been sold to us for far too long: the idea that love requires sacrifice. Whether it’s in romantic relationships, parenting, or even friendships, we’ve been taught that giving up our own needs is the ultimate expression of love. But here’s the truth: sacrificing ourselves doesn’t lead to deeper connection—it leads to self-abandonment.
In this post, we’re unraveling the myth of sacrifice and exploring how to love deeply without losing ourselves. Whether you’re a parent, a partner, or simply someone navigating the messy, beautiful journey of relationships, this is for you.
The Myth of Sacrifice: Why Self-Abandonment Isn’t Love
The belief that love requires us to sacrifice is a myth many of us have lived by. But here’s the truth: sacrificing our needs leads to self-abandonment. My journey through two divorces and one broken engagement taught me this lesson the hard way.
Self-abandonment often stems from a deep-seated fear of being abandoned—a fear that, for many of us, traces back to childhood. In response to this fear, whether consciously or not, we contort ourselves, hoping to be loved and avoiding the risk of further pain. But in doing so, we abandon the one person who’s always been there for us: ourselves.
It took me going through some pretty shitty times to realize that all the energy I spent trying to protect my heart by holding on so tight was actually leaving me behind. Oh, the irony.
Embracing self-love was a game-changer for me. It was the realization that we don’t have to be less than we are to be loved and accepted. Instead, we need to be fully ourselves! Self-love means setting boundaries, recognizing our worth, and understanding that we are complete and whole on our own.
When we truly know ourselves and what we need, we become empowered, and when we take care of ourselves well, instead of operating from fear, we can powerfully create experiences from a place of love.
The Problem with Sacrificing for Your Kids
Here’s the real problem with sacrificing for your kids—and the reason I say we shouldn’t do it. Trying to give our kids everything, while seemingly applauded by society, often comes at the cost of our own well-being and connection as parents. Sacrificing our needs doesn’t enrich our relationships with our children; in fact, it often depletes them.
In our quest to provide the very best for our children, we often fall into the trap of “keeping up with the Joneses”. We push ourselves to give our kids every opportunity, from extracurricular activities to the latest gadgets, believing this will lead to their happiness. But let’s pause and ask ourselves: What are we truly sacrificing?
The relentless pursuit of giving our kids “everything” often comes at the expense of genuine connection and presence. It’s a stark reminder that in trying to give them everything, we might be overlooking what they need most: our time, our presence, and our love.
Not to mention, by trying to keep our kids happy in every moment, we’re not actually setting them up for long-term happiness. What they truly need is resilience—the ability to navigate boredom, struggle, and difficulties. By shielding them from every challenge, we’re preventing them from learning how to create happiness for themselves.
Finding Harmony, Not Balance
The challenge is to find harmony—not balance. Balance implies a scale where things are equivalent, but harmony is about flow and interconnectedness. How can you support your children’s growth and opportunities without losing yourself in the process?
It starts with recognizing that your well-being is not separate from theirs. By taking care of your own needs, you can show up as a more present, engaged, and loving parent and partner. This doesn’t mean you stop providing for your kids or encouraging their dreams. It means you do so from a place of abundance rather than depletion.
When you give from a place of abundance, you’re able to offer your very best. And in doing so, you model self-love, boundaries, and personal fulfillment—lessons that will serve your children far more than any extracurricular activity or gadget ever could.
Reflect on Where You’re Overextending
Today’s practical action step is simple but powerful: Reflect on where you might be overextending in the name of love. Consider your own needs, and then have an open conversation with those involved about finding solutions that respect both your needs and those of your loved ones.
True love supports growth and fulfillment, not sacrifice. Love enriches us; it doesn’t diminish us. When you give from a place of abundance, there will always be enough.
The Legacy of a Life Well-Lived
The greatest gift we can give others is the example of a life well-lived—one where we honour our needs, pursue our passions, and cultivate deep connections. This is the legacy we can choose to leave: one of love, peace, and mutual respect.
If this conversation has resonated with you, I invite you to reflect on your priorities as a parent and/or partner. Are there areas where you’re overextending, trying to give your family “everything” at the cost of your own well-being? How might shifting your approach not only benefit you but also deepen the relationships you have with your loved ones?
Let’s Embrace the Messy, Beautiful Journey
If this post sparked something in you, I’d love to hear about it. Drop a comment below and let me know: Where have you been overextending in the name of love? What’s one small step you can take to prioritize your own needs while still showing up for your loved ones?
And if you want to dive deeper into this topic, check out the full podcast episode, Beyond Sacrifice: Harmonizing Love, Life, and Parenting for Mutual Growth. It’s packed with even more insights and tools to help you create relationships that thrive without the self-abandonment.
Don’t forget to subscribe to follow along for more stories, insights, and inspiration on living, loving, and growing authentically. Together, let’s challenge old myths and embrace a life of love, respect, and fulfillment. Plus, don’t forget to subscribe to Create Your Happy on your favourite podcast player, and grab your copy of my book Love, Unstuck — it’s filled with tools and strategies to help you transform your relationships from the inside out.
You deserve a love that celebrates you in all your glory. So, until next time, keep embracing the messy, fucking beautiful journey of life.
I love you! Now let’s go do some epic shit, shall we?
Christy xo
Tune into the full episode here:
Additional Resources
Authenticity Unleashed: Transforming our approach to love, life, and parenting is a profound journey. If you’re ready to explore and embrace your authentic self, consider joining my “Authenticity Unleashed” program. Together, we’ll explore setting boundaries, communicating your desires, and creating a life that feels incredible. Register for this life-changing program here.
People Pleaser’s Path to Freedom: Ready to break free from the cycle of sacrificing for others at the expense of your own happiness? Explore the People Pleaser’s Path to Freedom Masterclass and eBook to embark on a transformative journey towards personal liberation and true fulfillment. Get instant free access here.
Creating Love – A Sweary AF Meditation: Grab this free 5 minute quickie meditation designed to help you to cultivate love with a side of sass.
Additional resources and offerings
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Listen/ Watch
S3E17 | Beyond Sacrifice: Harmonizing Love, Life, and Parenting for Mutual Growth
