Let’s get real for a moment. That problem you’re wrestling with—whether it’s in your relationships, career, health, or personal growth—isn’t what you think it is. You’re not unhappy for the reasons you believe.
What if I told you that the root of your struggles isn’t external at all? It’s an identity problem.
In this post, we’re exploring how your seemingly external challenges are actually reflections of internal disconnections. By embracing your true identity, you can transform your life.
Ready to uncover what’s really going on? Let’s go.
The Problem Isn’t the Problem
When you feel stuck in a “problem,” whether it’s feeling unappreciated in a relationship, overshadowed by a partner’s success, or frustrated with your career, it’s easy to point fingers. But here’s the truth: these struggles aren’t random misfortunes. They’re mirrors reflecting your internal state.
For example, if you feel unappreciated, you might blame your spouse and say they made you feel that way. But the reality is, this feeling is a reflection of your own internal narrative about your self-worth, likely based on past experiences where you felt neglected.
Or consider feeling overshadowed by your partner’s success. It’s easy to chalk this up to jealousy or competitive feelings, but what if this discomfort is really about your own feelings of inadequacy or fears that their success might make you less important?
These situations invite you to explore and heal parts of yourself. And by heal, I mean reintegrate these parts that may feel less than or unworthy. It’s not about the external problem—it’s about your own identity and self-worth.
The Illusion of Suffering
Suffering results when we resist what is or when we cling to our preferences and the status quo in fear of change. Essentially, when we do this, we’re arguing with reality and causing ourselves a whole bunch of unnecessary suffering.
When we accept and align ourselves with reality—when we allow our experiences to be what they are without resistance and judgment—we can start to see that everything is impermanent. Our pain actually stems from our resistance—by way of our thoughts, feelings, and responses—rather than from the experience itself.
Recognizing that the only thing we can control is our response makes all the difference. Claiming our rightful power to change the world by reframing our thoughts, feelings, and reactions helps us find the true freedom and peace we’ve been seeking.
Reclaiming Your Power
Shifting your perspective from it shouldn’t be this way to how might I see this differently? can make all the difference. The patterns of resistance—aka our problems—can be unlearned, and new neural pathways can be created in their place to reduce our suffering.
Neuroscience research shows us that it’s never too late to reshape our brains and reroute our neural pathways, thus altering our minds and experiences of reality. You have the power to change your brain and thus your reality through conscious thought and intention.
By reframing harmful, limiting, or negative beliefs and replacing them with ones that align more closely with your true self, you can shift from survival mode to conscious creation mode. This is where what was previously invisible becomes visible, opening up a whole new world of possibilities.
Letting Go of the Need to Be Right
One of the biggest challenges I notice is the need to be right. This need often stems from fear—fear that being wrong makes us vulnerable, weak, or unworthy of love. But here’s the thing: there are 8.1+ billion versions of truth on this planet. Letting go of the need to be right allows us to embrace compassion—for ourselves and others.
Imagine a scenario where two partners are arguing about their future plans. One wants to move for a better job opportunity; the other wants to stay close to family. The tension escalates because each partner feels a deep need to be right about their choice. But what if both perspectives hold truth? What if both desires stem from legitimate needs?
Recognizing this can shift the conversation from conflict to creative problem-solving as a team. Letting go of being right doesn’t mean tolerating mistreatment—it means releasing unnecessary suffering.
Embracing All of You
Integrating the shadow—those parts of ourselves we might prefer to ignore or hide—is essential if we want to experience the magical wholeness that we are. By accepting all parts of ourselves, we dissolve the illusions of being broken or missing something. This helps us release the pain we’ve been carrying.
Your perceived flaws are merely an illusion. They’re magnificent gifts, invitations to explore your wholeness. You are perfect just as you are—perfectly you, perfectly imperfect.
When you know who you truly are, each challenge is no longer a barrier. It’s a signpost guiding you back to your intended state of peace, love, happiness, bliss, and ultimate freedom.
Invitation to Connect and Share
This week, I invite you to reflect on a current or recent problem. Ask yourself:
- How might this situation actually be reflecting a part of your identity?
- What is it teaching you about yourself?
- Where might it be signalling an unmet need, and how can you meet that need for yourself?
Journal your answers, but don’t stop there. This practice isn’t just about finding solutions—it’s about discovering the deeper truths about your identity and your capacity for change.
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear about it! Share your reflections, insights, or questions in the comments or connect with me on social media. Let’s learn and grow together.
And if you’re ready to explore this topic further, tune into the full podcast episode here: You Don’t Have a Relationship Problem, You Have an Identity Problem. It’s packed with even more insights to help you step into your true identity and create a life that feels authentic and aligned.
Get Unstuck
If you’re craving more tools to build healthy, happy relationships rooted in self-love, emotional intelligence, and authentic connection, be sure to grab a copy of my book, Love, Unstuck: Creating Healthy, Happy Relationships through Self-Love, Emotional Intelligence, and Authentic Connection. It’s your roadmap to breaking free from old patterns, embracing vulnerability, and creating the kind of love that celebrates you in all your messy, beautiful glory.
And if you’re not already part of the community, I’d love for you to subscribe to Create Your Happy on your favourite podcast player for more stories, insights, and inspiration to help you live, love, and grow authentically. Together, let’s create a life that’s rooted in self-awareness, compassion, and all of the happiness you deserve.
I love you! Now let’s go do some epic shit, shall we?
Christy xo
Tune into the full episode here:
Essential Resources
For those ready to dive deeper into these concepts, check out my book Unstuck for Women, which includes my signature Spiral Stopper Method—a toolbox of strategies designed to help you start rewiring those neural pathways from survival mode to conscious creator mode. And if you’re ready to go even deeper, the Unstuck for Women Daily Self Discovery Journal will help you start your journey into discovering your true identity within.
More Great Content
One Simple Secret to Finding Happiness: Authenticity For the Win!
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Unlocking Peace: The Power of Forgiveness & Self Compassion
Overcoming Self Sabotage: Your Path to Authentic Joy
Listen/ Watch
S3E23 | You Don’t Have a ______ Problem, You Have an Identity Problem
