The belief that love is hard is everywhere—in movies, books, and even advice from well-meaning friends and family. It’s a narrative that’s been used to justify relationship challenges and, unfortunately, has kept far too many people stuck for far too long. But here’s the truth: relationships require effort, but they shouldn’t be a constant struggle.
In this post, we’ll explore why the belief that “love is hard” is holding you back, how to shift this mindset, and what it truly takes to create relationships that feel supportive, joyful, and—dare I say—easy.
If you’d like to dive deeper into this topic, check out the full podcast episode, The Struggle Is NOT Real: Why Believing ‘LOVE IS HARD’ Is Ruining Your Relationships.
The Myth of the Struggle: Why We Believe Love Is Hard
The idea that relationships are inherently difficult is a seductive one. It’s been ingrained in us through pop culture, societal norms, and even the well-meaning advice of others. But this belief can be dangerous because it keeps us stuck in cycles of struggle and dissatisfaction.
As I’ve learned in my own journey, relationships do require effort, but they shouldn’t feel like a never-ending battle. There’s a difference between putting in the work to grow together and constantly facing challenges because of incompatibility, unresolved issues, or poor communication.
The foundation of any healthy relationship is unconditional love and acceptance—and this starts within you. When you fully accept yourself, you’re better equipped to accept others, making relationships feel less difficult.
The Power of Self-Love: Shifting the Narrative
In my own life, I used to believe that relationships were just plain hard. When I voiced concerns about my marriage, I was almost always met with unhelpful—and sometimes even downright harmful—advice. I was told over and over again that relationships are difficult, and I heard it so often that, eventually, I believed it. The result? My relationship became a constant source of challenges, conflicts, and sleepless nights.
Here’s the thing: what you believe shapes your reality. Our brains are wired to filter in information that confirms our existing beliefs. If you believe relationships are hard, you’ll unconsciously seek out evidence to support that belief, this confirmation bias keeping you stuck in a cycle of struggle.
So, how do we shift these beliefs? It starts with self-love and radical responsibility.
When I began focusing on giving love freely—without expectations or conditions—I noticed a profound shift. As I often say, the miracle is in the perspective shift. After making this shift, the love and effort I put into my relationships came back tenfold! But this only happened after I stopped treating love like a transactional obligation.
The Danger of Normalizing Struggle
If you believe that relationships are hard, you might miss the obvious signs that your relationship isn’t serving you. Struggle and difficulty should not be the baseline for a relationship. As I often say, what we tolerate, we experience more of. Unfortunately, tolerating less than ideal interactions can lead to codependency, resentment, or even abusive dynamics.
If your relationship feels harder than it should be, seek outside support. No one deserves to be treated poorly, especially by someone who claims to love them.
The Role of Communication and Radical Responsibility
Clear and healthy communication is the key to resolving many relationship challenges. When both partners can express themselves openly and honestly, difficulties become easier to navigate. But communication requires courage—and it starts with taking radical responsibility for your own happiness.
Happiness is an inside job. You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy, and it’s not your job to keep anyone else happy. When you take responsibility for your own joy, you create a foundation for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Radical responsibility isn’t about blame or shame. It’s about standing in your power, knowing your worth, and choosing to create the life and relationships you desire. It’s about deciding that you’re no longer available for anything less than what lights your soul on fire.
Create More Ease in Your Relationship Today
Here’s your challenge:
- Reflect on your beliefs: Do you believe relationships are difficult? Where did this belief come from? Is it serving you, or is it time to let it go?
- Choose a new belief: Give yourself permission to believe that relationships can be easy—or at least easier.
- Take action: Identify one aspect of your relationship that feels difficult. What’s one small step you can take to address it? Maybe it’s giving without expectation, asking more questions, or simply taking a deep breath before responding.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into shifting your beliefs, I use a powerful technique called belief re-patterning (a process developed by Suze Casey) in my programs. It’s one of my favourite tools for creating lasting change.
Relationships Are Meant to Be Supportive
At the end of the day, relationships are meant to be supportive. You and your partner are on the same team, and while life can be full of challenges, your relationship doesn’t have to be one of them.
If you’re finding that your relationship is a constant struggle, consider seeking support. Sometimes a fresh perspective can make all the difference. My program, Love Reimagined, is all about throwing old ideas about love up in the air and re-envisioning it from a whole new perspective.
If you found this post valuable, subscribe for more juicy insights on self-love, boundaries, communication, and creating relationships that truly thrive.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
What resonated with you in this post? Have you been holding onto the belief that relationships are hard? What’s one small step you can take to create more ease in your relationships? I’d love to hear your thoughts—drop a comment below and let’s keep the conversation going.
Remember, relationships are meant to be a source of joy and support—not a constant struggle. It all starts with you.
I love you! Now let’s go do some epic shit, shall we?
Christy xo
Don’t forget to subscribe to Create Your Happy on your favourite podcast player, and grab my book Love, Unstuck for more empowering tools and insights.
Tune into the full episode here:
Additional Resources for Relationship Building
Love Reimagined Mini Course: Transform yourself, transform your relationships. Get instant access here.
Ebook “Relationship Cheat Codes: A Guide to Nurturing Love and Connection”: Hack your relationships with these cheat codes to create fulfilling relationships. Get your ebook for free here.
Find your f*cking ZEN in under 5 minutes! 🧘♀️ Check out these free unique, no-BS meditations that are as fun as they are effective. Tap into your inner calm today!
Additional resources and offerings
More Great Content
Discover Authenticity: Your Path to Freedom Begins Here
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Rethinking Relationships: Busting The Myth of 50/50 in Love (S3E4)
Deepen Your Relationship: 3 Essential Tips for a Stronger Bond with Your Partner
Love Reimagined: The Transformative Power of Deep Connections
Listen/ Watch
S3E5 | The Struggle Is NOT Real: Why Believing ‘LOVE IS HARD’ Is Ruining Your Relationships
