Let’s talk about something that can make or break any relationship: communication. Whether it’s with your partner, your kids, your coworkers, or even yourself, how you communicate sets the tone for connection, understanding, and growth. But here’s the thing—communication isn’t just about the words you say. It’s about the energy behind them, the state of your nervous system, and your ability to stay grounded in the moment.
In this post, we’re exploring the art of mindful communication, to learn how regulating your nervous system can transform the way you connect with others. And because this is the 100th episode of the Create Your Happy Podcast, I want to take a minute to celebrate you—the real MVP. Without you, none of this would be possible. So, thank you for being here, for showing up, and for being part of this incredible journey.
If this topic resonates with you, I invite you to check out the full podcast episode, Calm Conversations: Strategies for Mindful Communication in Close Relationships, where we dive even deeper into this conversation. And don’t forget to subscribe to for more stories, insights, and inspiration on living, loving, and growing authentically. Together, let’s create relationships that thrive!
Your Nervous System: The Conductor of Your Emotional Orchestra
Imagine your nervous system as the conductor of an orchestra. It sets the tempo and tunes all the instruments—your emotions, thoughts, and reactions—into harmony. But when your nervous system is out of balance, your communication can easily go off-key.
When you’re dysregulated or stuck in survival mode, you tend to react rather than respond. These reactions are often emotionally driven—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. But here’s the good news: by learning to regulate your nervous system, you can move through these initial reactions and create space for conscious, intentional responses.
Self-Regulation: Tuning Your Instrument
Self-regulation is like tuning your instrument before a performance. It’s about grounding yourself so you can show up fully present and aligned. Here are a few tools to help you get started:
- Deep Breathing: Deep breathing is the most incredible tool because you can use it anywhere, anytime. Try box breathing: inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, and hold for four counts. Repeat this three times to bring yourself back to centre.
- Meditation and Mindfulness: These practices help you stay calm and move through survival mode so you don’t get stuck there.
- Quickie Meditations: I’ve created some Sweary AF, under-five-minute meditations to help you regulate in a pinch. You can grab them for free here!
When you’re regulated, you create a better mental space to determine your intentions and respond with clarity and calm.
Co-Regulation: Harmonizing with Others
Once you’ve tuned your own instrument, you can harmonize with others through co-regulation. Co-regulation involves giving and receiving emotional cues that help stabilize both you and the other person. This could look like holding hands, placing a hand on each other’s heart, or simply gazing into each other’s eyes.
In a difficult conversation, co-regulation can provide a physical connection that enhances emotional support and helps the conversation flow with more ease. But remember, co-regulation starts with you. You can’t harmonize with someone else if your own instrument is out of tune.
Preparing for the Conversation: Setting the Stage
To ensure your communication is effective and intentional, preparation is key. Here’s how to set the stage for a calm, productive conversation:
- Choose the Right Timing: Make sure you’re not hungry, angry, tired, stressed, or distracted. These states can skew your perception and turn a potentially pleasant conversation into a struggle.
- Mentally Rehearse: Visualize the conversation going well. Imagine yourself expressing your thoughts clearly and calmly, and your partner responding with openness and understanding.
- Set Your Intention: What do you hope to achieve from this conversation? Is it deeper understanding, an apology, or a stronger connection? Having a clear intention helps you reverse-engineer the conversation to achieve your desired outcome.
- Practice Out Loud: Articulate your thoughts as though your partner were there. You can even record yourself or practice in front of a mirror to adjust your tone, pace, and body language.
Preparation might feel awkward at first, but it’s worth it. Your relationships—and your peace of mind—are worth it.
Shifting Your Perspective: From Fear to Love
Approaching conversations through a lens of love rather than fear can transform interactions from defensive battles into opportunities for deeper connection. Here’s how to make that shift:
- Choose Love: Before you speak, remind yourself that you want to see your partner with compassion and curiosity. You’re both doing the best you can with the resources and understanding you currently have.
- Identify Your Fears: Fears of rejection or being misunderstood can impact how you communicate.Recognizing these fears allows you to consciously decide not to let them dictate the conversation.
- Reframe Your Approach: If you’re anxious about discussing something, reframe it as an opportunity to explore mutual understanding and connection rather than seeking an immediate “yes.”
When you speak from a place of love, you create space for openness, empathy, and mutual growth.
Your Practical Action Step
This week, I invite you to try two things:
- Practice Self-Regulation: Use deep breathing, meditation, or one of my quickie meditations to ground yourself before a conversation.
- Mentally Rehearse: Reflect on a conversation you’ve been holding back on having. Set your intention, visualize it going well, and practice what you want to say.
You’ll be surprised at how much this little bit of preparation can change the dynamic of the conversation.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear about it. Drop a comment below and let me know: What’s one conversation you’ve been avoiding, and how can you prepare to approach it with love and intention?
And if you want to dive deeper into this topic, check out the full podcast episode, Calm Conversations: Strategies for Mindful Communication in Close Relationships. It’s packed with even more insights and tools to help you create connections that thrive.
Don’t forget to follow along on Create Your Happy on your favourite podcast player for more stories, insights, and inspiration on living, loving, and growing authentically. Together, let’s create relationships that are rooted in understanding, respect, and joy.
You deserve a love that celebrates you in all your glory. So, until next time, keep embracing the messy, fucking beautiful journey of life.
I love you! Now let’s go do some epic shit, shall we?
Christy xo
Tune into the full episode here:
Additional Resources
Sweary AF Quickie Meditations: Find your zen, even if you’re not “good” at meditating, with these fun, sassy meditations designed to help you destress in less than 5 minutes. Grab your free meditation series here.
Unstuck for Women Book: Dive deeper into self-regulation techniques to enhance your personal and professional relationships. Order your copy on Amazon here.
Love, Unstuck: Your guide to creating healthy, loving relationships that truly make you happy!
Additional resources and offerings
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Season 1, Episode 17: Safety First (with Stacey Webb)
Listen/ Watch
S3E19 | Calm Conversations: Strategies for Mindful Communication in Close Relationships
