Have you ever been told you’re “too much”? Perhaps like me, you have at times felt that you are a lot for others to handle: too emotional, too intense, too needy, too… well, everything. And perhaps you, too, have at times felt that all of this makes you somehow less worthy of the life and love you desire deep down. This silent belief keeps countless brilliant humans playing small—but no more.
In a world that often demands we shrink ourselves to fit into neat, digestible boxes, the act of being “too much” is nothing short of revolutionary. It’s a rebellion against the status quo, a refusal to dim our light or contort ourselves for the comfort of others. But what does it really mean to be “too much”? And why is it so often framed as a flaw rather than a superpower?
The truth is, your “too much” isn’t a liability—it’s an invitation. An invitation to stop settling, to stop apologizing for your needs, and to start living unapologetically. As one powerful declaration I’ve come to deeply resonate with puts it: “If I’m too much… go find less.”
The “Too Much”/“Not Enough” Paradox
One of the most complex and insidious lies we often believe is that we’re somehow simultaneously “too much” and “not enough. I used to lie awake at night, wondering: “Why can’t I just be normal? Why do I always feel so broken?”
After being told I was “too much” for having needs and “not enough” for having boundaries, I eventually realized: that’s not love… That’s control masquerading as care.
What I discovered was that “too much” and “not enough” are actually two sides of the same lie. This paradox, a form of gaslighting, is merely a way to keep us small and doubting ourselves.
The shift towards freedom happens when we realize: I don’t need to be less to be loved, I need to be me. My worth isn’t a paradox to solve, it’s a rebellion to live.
A Moment of Clarity
For many of us, the journey to embracing our “too much” begins with a moment of clarity—a breaking point where we realize that the problem isn’t us, but rather the limitations of those around us.
I remember the exact moment it happened for me. After years of carefully monitoring my enthusiasm in relationships, tempering my passions in conversations, and apologizing for my intensity, something broke open. It was during a family conversation where I’d once again diluted my opinions to make everyone else comfortable. When I finally had a moment alone, tears streamed down my face and I suddenly thought: “What if I’m not the problem?” That simple question cracked everything open.
I used to fold myself into a thimble. I apologized for my needs. I whispered my boundaries. I treated my fire like something to keep hidden. Then one day, I snapped. I realized: My “too much” was actually just their “not enough.” Their discomfort wasn’t my flaw—it was their limitation.
This realization transformed everything for me, and it can for you, too. It’s the moment we stop internalizing the discomfort of others and start recognizing it for what it truly is: their limitation, not our flaw.
A Superpower in Disguise
So, here’s a question to ponder: What if the very traits we’ve been taught to hide—our intensity, our depth, our desire for connection, our refusal to settle for lukewarm love—are actually our greatest strengths? What if the kind of “too much” that makes people squirm in their seats, the kind that gets you labeled “dramatic,” “needy,” or “extra,”… is actually a superpower wearing a disguise?
These traits aren’t flaws—they’re the essence of who we are. When we embrace these superpower-like traits, we step into a position of personal power that is untempered by the limits of others.
Your big audacious love. Your messy authentic truths. Your refusal to conform to the shrink-wrap of “acceptable” and “good girl (or boy).” They’re the parts of us that refuse to be tamed, the parts that demand more from life and from love. And it’s in their very embrace that we remember just how incredible we are when we are fully, unapologetically ourselves.
The Rebellion of Self-Acceptance
No matter what the world may have told you, embracing your “too much” isn’t about arrogance. Rather, it’s about radical self-acceptance. It’s about realizing that your needs aren’t negotiable, your voice isn’t up for debate, and your desires aren’t a crime—they’re simply human.
So how do you rebel and lean into true self-acceptance? Here are three practices that transformed my relationship with my own intensity:
- Wear your intensity like a crown: Instead of hiding your passion, lead with it. When I stopped apologizing for my enthusiasm about nature, writing, and big ideas, I found others drawn to the very fire I’d been trying to extinguish.
- Let rejection be proof you’re not for everyone—and be grateful for that: Each time someone has backed away from my intensity, it’s created space for those who celebrate it. The day I was called “exhausting” for wanting deeper conversations was the day I realized I needed to find people who found my depth exhilarating.
- Turn your so-called “flaws” into confetti: Make a list of what you’ve been told is “too much” about you, then reframe each as a strength. For example, my “overthinking” became my “deep analysis,” and my “sensitivity” became my “emotional intelligence.”
Boundaries as Liberation
I used to think boundaries were walls. Turns out? They’re bridges to experiencing a love that doesn’t cost you your soul. Boundaries are the balance point between “too much” and “not enough” that I had not fully understood.
Setting boundaries is an act of self-love, a way to honour your needs and protect your peace. Boundaries are a way to invite in those very people you want to connect with at the deepest level–a roadmap to loving and caring for you for those willing and ready.
Past relationships taught me that silencing myself and pretending I don’t have needs isn’t love—it’s self-abandonment. Boundaries taught me that “too much” is actually just code for “I celebrate my passion instead of apologizing for it,” and “not enough” is code for “it’s time to stop chasing love that demands my silence.”
The World Needs Your “Too Much”
Here’s the truth that those who call you “too much” are afraid of: The world needs your “too much.” The world doesn’t need more people who shrink themselves to fit in. It needs people who are willing to take up space, to be bold, to be unapologetically themselves.
As Howard Thurman so eloquently put it:
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Your ‘too much’ isn’t a liability, it’s a revolution. And revolutions aren’t won alone.
Your “Too Much” Is Your Legacy
Your “too much” isn’t just a part of you—it’s your legacy. Your “too much” isn’t a liability—it’s your liberation. It’s the mark you will leave on the world, the proof that you lived boldly and unapologetically.
So, what are you waiting for? If you’re scared to take the first step, I see you… that’s your “too much” begging to be freed.
The truth is, the world needs your “too much.” More than anything, the world needs your fire, your passion, and your unapologetic truth. So stop shrinking, stop apologizing, and start rising.
The world will call you “too much” when you stop making yourself small. But here’s the secret: Their discomfort is your compass.
Your “too much” rebellion starts now.
Join the Rebellion
If this piece spoke to you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. What part of your “too much” are you ready to embrace? Share in the comments below.
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