Let’s bust a popular myth that’s quietly sabotaging relationships everywhere—the idea that love should always be 50/50. You’ve probably heard this idea from movies, TV shows, or even well-meaning friends and family.
But let’s get real—this notion of equal effort isn’t just unrealistic, it also sets us up for disappointment and resentment. I explored this topic in my podcast episode, The 50/50 Lie: Why Equal Effort in Relationships Is a Total Scam, but let’s explore the key points as to why this is such a problem in relationships.
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Relationships Are Dynamic, Not Static
Relationships aren’t about maintaining a perfect 50/50 split. Life doesn’t work that way! And neither do healthy relationships. Let’s explore why chasing this idea of ‘equality’ can actually backfire in love.
Sometimes, the balance is 60/40, and other times it’s 30/70. And guess what? That’s totally okay. What truly matters is the balance over time, not in every single moment.
I made it a point to never fall into the trap of scorekeeping in my current relationship. This was wisdom I gleaned from past experiences, both in romantic relationships and friendships. In friendships where scorekeeping was present, it never felt good. There was always a sense of imbalance, with one person feeling they were coming up short or being shortchanged. I knew I didn’t want that dynamic in my partnership. My partner and I decided to ditch keeping score and started focusing on how we could support each other daily. It’s like a boomerang effect—the love and support you give often come back tenfold. On days when I couldn’t give much, my partner stepped up without any guilt trips—and vice versa. This shift created a sense of freedom to simply be the best version of myself.
Why the 50/50 Myth Fails in Real Life
Let’s talk about why keeping score is a relationship killer. When you’re focused on tallying who did what, it’s easy to slip into resentment. Genuine acts of love and kindness lose their magic when they’re overshadowed by a mental checklist. Instead, focus on giving from a place of love and generosity, without strings attached.
Plus, scorekeeping often leads to codependency—the idea that someone else needs to fill in your “missing parts.” Spoiler alert: no one else can do that for you.
Focus on Contribution, Not Division
Instead of dividing everything equally, why not focus on contributing in unique and meaningful ways? It’s not about what you’re getting—it’s about what you’re giving. Clear communication and acceptance are the keys to creating a dynamic, evolving relationship that supports unconditional love. It’s this shared intention that helps relationships thrive—far beyond keeping score.
Here’s a truth bomb: unconditional love starts with you. Stop looking to your partner to fill your cup. Instead, take a moment to reflect on your own thoughts and emotions. Witness them without attachment, like clouds passing through the sky. When you let go of clinging to or resisting these experiences, you create space for intentional, conscious choices.
Giving 100% of What You Can
Instead of aiming for a rigid 50/50 split, my partner and I embrace the idea of each giving 100% of what we’re able to offer at any given time. It’s crucial to recognize that our capacity to give can fluctuate. Some days, one partner might have more energy, patience, or resources to contribute, and on other days, that balance shifts. By focusing on what we can give rather than what we “should” give, we allow grace for ourselves and each other when we inevitably fall short. This mindset fosters connection over comparison, which is the heart of a loving partnership.
This approach also ties back to the “you complete me” myth I wrote about in this post. Expecting your partner to meet you exactly halfway, every time, assumes a perfect balance that isn’t realistic or sustainable. Relationships are not a competition or a ledger; they’re a partnership built on mutual care, understanding, and adaptability.
Your Relationship Challenge
This week, I challenge you to stop keeping score. Do something kind for someone—your partner, friend, child, or even a stranger—without expecting anything in return. Not even a thank you. Just give for the joy of giving and notice how it feels.
After you’ve completed the challenge, take a moment to journal about how it felt to give without expectations.
- Did it shift how you view your relationships?
- Did you notice a ripple effect in your connection with others?
If you catch yourself slipping back into scorekeeping, gently remind yourself that this is a practice. With time and intention, you can shift out of old patterns and into a space where you create the loving connections you desire. Progress, not perfection, is the key to transforming your relationships.
Let go of the 50/50 myth and embrace the dynamic, evolving nature of relationships. Give yourself, your partner, and those around you an extra dose of grace. When you find joy in giving, you’ll experience a deeper sense of connection and fulfillment.
It’s Time For a Shift
Let go of the 50/50 myth and embrace the dynamic, evolving nature of relationships. Give yourself, your partner, and those around you an extra dose of grace. When you find joy in giving without strings attached, you’ll create a deeper sense of connection and fulfillment.
What’s one way you’ll practice giving 100% of what you can this week? Share your thoughts—I’d love to hear them! If this message resonated with you, I’d love for you to stick around and bust more relationship myths with me. Click that subscribe button and follow along on Create Your Happy—I’ve got plenty more empowering insights and actionable tips coming your way.
If you’re curious to explore this topic further, I invite you to listen to the full podcast episode: Season 3, Episode 3: The 50/50 Lie: Why Equal Effort in Relationships Is a Total Scam. It’s a deep dive into the mindset shifts that can help you build a healthier, more fulfilling connection with your partner.
Until next time, remember: love yourself first, take care of your vibe, and keep spreading the happy!
I love you! Now let’s go do some epic shit, shall we?
Christy xo
Watch the full episode now:
Additional Resources for Relationship Building
Ebook “Relationship Cheat Codes: A Guide to Nurturing Love and Connection”: Hack your relationships with these cheat codes to create fulfilling relationships. Get your ebook for free here.
Love Reimagined Mini Course: Transform yourself, transform your relationships. Get instant access here.
Authenticity Unleashed Program: This program is perfect for those looking to set healthy boundaries and communicate them effectively, especially if you’ve been caught in the 50/50 trap. Enroll today!
Unstuck for Women Daily Self Discovery Journal: This journal is your roadmap to self acceptance, a crucial step in finding a relationship that truly honours you. Available in ebook or paperback. Get yours now!
Additional resources and offerings
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Listen/ Watch
S3E3 | The 50/50 Lie: Why Equal Effort in Relationships Is a Total Scam
