Do you find yourself thinking that commitment means giving up your personal freedom? Are you worried that being in a relationship means losing your individuality? You’re not alone in these concerns.
The “Ball and Chain” Myth
The old “ball and chain” trope has been around for ages, painting commitment as a form of entrapment—a loss of freedom and independence. It’s a common narrative that marriage is the end of your carefree days, the final nail in the coffin of your personal autonomy. But is that really the case, or is it simply a story we’ve been told?
Historically, the idea that marriage equals ownership isn’t unfounded. Women were literally considered the property of men until surprisingly recently. In Canada, married women couldn’t own property separately from their husbands until the late 1800s, and they couldn’t open bank accounts or get credit cards without a male co-signer until the 1960s and 70s. These historical restrictions have undoubtedly influenced our current beliefs about marriage and freedom.
A New Perspective on Freedom
Here’s the truth: a healthy relationship doesn’t take away your freedom—it enhances it. It’s not about losing yourself; it’s about finding new ways to grow both as an individual and as a couple.
Looking beyond Western perspectives offers fascinating insights. In Japanese culture, the concept of amae describes the sweetness of depending on each other. The African Ubuntu philosophy teaches “I am what I am because of who we all are.” These cultures highlight how interdependence can be a source of strength and personal growth.
Research shows that people in secure relationships are more likely to:
- Pursue their dreams
- Take career risks
- Launch their own businesses
Why? Because having someone in your corner makes you braver.
Individual Expression in Partnership
In a strong partnership, individual expression isn’t just allowed—it’s encouraged. Having your own hobbies, interests, and time apart is necessary for a healthy relationship. It’s not about being joined at the hip 24/7; it’s about maintaining your individuality while growing together as a unit.
The Power of Emotional Support
One of the main freedoms you gain in a committed relationship is emotional support. When you have someone in your corner, you’re free to:
- Take risks
- Pursue your passions
- Explore new avenues
- Know someone will catch you if you fall
Let’s tackle some common concerns:
Money and Freedom
While sharing finances might feel like losing control, clear boundaries and open communication can actually provide more security to pursue your dreams. Yes, you can keep separate accounts if that feels right.
Social Life
Your friendships matter. Having a rich social life makes you more interesting. Schedule those friend dates, keep your book club commitments, and maintain those external connections.
Taking Action
Ready to explore what freedom in commitment means for you? Here’s a practical step:
Take time to reflect on what freedom means to you—both as an individual and within a relationship. Write down your thoughts and have an open conversation with your partner about honouring each other’s need for independence while growing together.
Remember, it’s not about giving up your freedom; it’s about finding new ways to express it within your relationship.
A healthy, committed relationship can enhance your freedom, rather than diminish it. By challenging old narratives and embracing new perspectives, you open the door to a partnership that supports your individuality while fostering collective growth.
Tune into the full episode here:
Additional Resources
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Listen/ Watch
S3E29 | Is Commitment Really the End of Freedom?
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