Do you find yourself thinking that commitment means giving up your personal freedom? Are you worried that being in a relationship means losing your individuality? How do you balance the need for security and commitment with your desire for freedom and independence? If these questions resonate with you, this post is for you.
In this post, we’re exploring the common paradox in relationships: the idea that commitment means sacrificing your freedom. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t have to. Let’s talk about how you can create a relationship that honours both your need for connection and your desire for independence.
The Myth of the “Ball and Chain”
The old “ball and chain” trope has been around for a long time, painting commitment as a form of entrapment—a loss of freedom and independence. But is marriage really the end of your carefree days? Or is it simply a story we’ve been told?
Historically, the idea that marriage equates to ownership and entrapment isn’t unfounded. For example, in Canada (where I live), married women didn’t gain the right to own property separately from their husbands until the late 1800s. And women couldn’t open their own bank accounts or get credit cards without a male co-signer until the 1960s and 70s.
These historical realities have undoubtedly influenced the belief that marriage means losing your autonomy. But here’s the truth: a healthy relationship doesn’t take away your freedom—it enhances it.
Commitment as a Source of Strength
In many cultures, commitment isn’t seen as a cage or a trap. For example:
- In Japanese culture, the concept of amae describes the sweetness of depending on each other.
- In African Ubuntu philosophy, the belief is, “I am what I am because of who we all are.”
These perspectives highlight that interdependence can be a source of strength and personal growth. So, what if instead of seeing marriage or commitment as the end of your freedom, you saw it as the beginning of a new kind of liberty?
A healthy relationship is one where you’re free to be your authentic self, supported by a partner who chooses you just as you choose them. It’s about shifting your perspective from individual pursuits to collective growth—where your freedom and your partner’s freedom coexist and complement each other.
Freedom Within Commitment
In a strong partnership, individual expression isn’t just allowed—it’s encouraged. Having your own hobbies, interests, and time apart is necessary for a healthy relationship. It’s not about being joined at the hip 24/7; it’s about maintaining your individuality while growing together as a unit.
When you’re both fulfilled individually, you bring that joy back into the relationship, creating a richer, more dynamic partnership. And one of the main freedoms you gain in a committed relationship is emotional support. This freedom allows you to grow, not just as an individual, but as part of a team.
Real-Life Examples of Freedom in Commitment
- A partner who handles more household tasks so you can focus on finishing a big project (thanks, babe!).
- A solo meditation or yoga practice that becomes a shared weekly ritual.
- Couples who master the art of “parallel play,” scheduling dedicated time to do their own thing in the same space.
These examples show that commitment doesn’t have to mean sacrificing your freedom. In fact, it can create new opportunities for growth and connection.
Redefine Commitment for Yourself
Take some time to reflect on what freedom means to you—both as an individual and within a relationship. Write down your thoughts, and if you’re in a partnership, have a conversation about how you can honour each other’s needs for independence while growing together.
Remember, it’s not about giving up your freedom; it’s about finding new ways to express that freedom within your relationship.
If you’re ready to explore this topic further, check out the full podcast episode: Is Commitment and Marriage the End of Freedom? It’s packed with even more insights to help you create a relationship where love and freedom coexist beautifully.
And don’t forget to grab your copy of my book, Love, Unstuck: Creating Healthy, Happy Relationships through Self-Love, Emotional Intelligence, and Authentic Connection for more practical strategies designed to help you navigate love and relationships with confidence and clarity.
Let’s Connect and Grow Together
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear about it! Share your thoughts, experiences, or questions in the comments or connect with me on social media. Let’s support each other in creating relationships that honour both freedom and connection.
And if you’re not already part of the community, subscribe to Create Your Happy on your favourite podcast player for more stories, insights, and inspiration to help you live, love, and grow authentically.
Remember, a healthy, committed relationship can enhance your freedom, and it most definitely does not need to diminish it. By challenging old narratives and embracing a new perspective, you open the door to a partnership that supports your individuality just as much as it fosters your collective growth.
I love you! Now let’s go do some epic shit, shall we?
Christy xo
Tune into the full episode here:
Additional Resources
🎓 Love Reimagined Course Ready to create a relationship where love and freedom coexist beautifully? This self-led video course is all about helping you reframe love as an inside job. When you get your relationship with yourself right, it sets the foundation for the healthy, loving relationships you desire and deserve. Explore communication, intimacy, and self-awareness to gain the clarity you need to create the life and love you truly want. Learn More → Love Reimagined
📚 Love, Unstuck: Packed with tools and insights to help you navigate love and relationships with confidence and clarity, this book is the one stop guide you need to create the relationships you’ve always dreamed of.
Additional resources and offerings
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Listen/ Watch
S3E29 | Is Commitment Really the End of Freedom?
